new york is not new york it’s new pork
Thermochromic table by Jay Watson
imagine banging someone on that table
America, having eliminated sexism and racism, now confers social status and privilege based on the relative sizes of your first and second toes. As such, if an American makes eye contact with you, particularly on public transportation, they are expecting you to indicate your toe lengths. This is done by holding your thumb and index fingers apart first to the length of your big toe, then your second toe. You may be tempted to cheat, but this is risky, because if two people can agree to a challenge, you may be required to remove your footwear to confirm.
Americans are a sociable people, as you are well aware. They also, on the whole, enjoy chewing gum. As a result, it is considered polite to carry a small ‘gum pouch’ with you at all times. This is a small foil lined pouch with a flap closure, often decorated with stickers or small drawings indicating something about the personality of the owner. It is considered inappropriate and unfriendly for Americans to dispose of their chewed gum in their own gum pouch, so you may be asked at any time to present your gum pouch for a stranger.
When eating any type of flaky pastry, such as a croissant or a pie crust, Americans will first sharply exhale a small puff of air through their teeth onto the item. It is believed that this aids in digestion and prevents the growth of harmful bacteria. Be aware, though, that you should never do this with a non-flaky baked good such as a muffin or cookie, as it is thought to attract witches."
it’s a very bad time for ukraine and those of us psychologically trained to salivate when we hear the word “ukraine”